SUBRA - I

K Patti to Madras!

Everything was set. The bags were packed and were already being shifted from the home to the bus stand. The house itself was very busy – we were the first family to leave Kaavalkaaranpatti that year, after nearly 2 months of summer holidays.

Amma and Appa were doing the last minute checkings and were in the process of bidding good byes to Aunts and Uncles. My cousins and a few friends were there around me, trying to console me. I was on the verge of crying… offering my prayers to all the gods I knew, requesting them to somehow extend my stay in K.Patti (as Kaavalkaaranpatti is shortly called). I even tried acting as if I had a severe stomach ache - hoping that it will somehow help me stay here for some more time. I was desperate. But no one (or nothing) seemed to help me, even the gods - everyone was trying to console me and telling me to take it easy. I was not convinced….I somehow felt very un-comfortable, as I always did on the last day at K.Patti. This happened year after year - the last day in K.Patti was tough…leaving behind all the fun and returning to school and the routine wasn’t that easy for me.

“Okay Subra. Pick up your bag. Its time, the bus will arrive in 5 minutes time. Say good bye to everyone. Get paati’s blessings. And for god’s sake do not cry…”

Tears ran down my cheek as my mother was going to complete the sentence. I knew it – I have no other choice, not anymore. I went to paati and looked at her – stood there word-less, she knelt down, hugged me tight, gave me a ten rupee note and put some sacred ash on my forehead.

“Write letters Subramani. Don’t forget your paati. And don’t feel bad. You are visiting Madras for the first time – believe me it will be a beautiful experience…you will enjoy it. So look forward to it….Come back next year. I’ll also visit you in the mean time, if possible – do not cry please…”

“Subra, don’t cry. Comeon…”

Suddenly everyone around started to console me as tears started to pour out of my eyes....the more they did the more I cried. I wasnt able to control myself.....I did not want to leave K. Patti......my uncles and aunts tried their best to stop me from crying....they tried that by even offering big chocolates and stuff.....but I was unstoppable!!

That was when I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. My father's hand. I looked up at him – ‘Enough Subra. Start now, I mean, right now' was what his face expressed - he did not utter a word, but I understood it all.....I read my father's expressions very well......

Without any further effort, I picked my little yellow bag and started to walk towards the bus stand and did not talk to anyone until we – my dad, mom and me – got into that pale yellow bus to go to the nearby town’s bus stand to take a bus to MADRAS.

I waved K.Patti, the last good bye for the year. As the bus moved forward, my mind moved behind reminding me of those beautiful days spent here – with absolute freedom and happiness. Everything I saw reminded me of K.Patti and the days spent there…I had no control of my mind and was looking at the darkness outside the bus as the fresh air from outside the window hit me on my face….

This bus to Madras was no different. It was pale and un-inviting. It made all the possible noises in the world – it was really very noisy inside the bus...! And as usual, I was looking out of the window, into the darkness, and was thinking of what I was doing the same time last night, same time the night before that, a week before, a month before…..two months seemed very long a time….

The bus was dimly lit as it was night and everyone else was sleeping including my dad and mom….I was wondering how come they were able to sleep in between all this noise that this bus was making…..the noise was terrible and unbearable for me….the creaking noise of the bus as it was moving….the noise that the engine of the bus was making…..the noise generated due to the vibration of the glass windows of the bus…. somehow, the noise was terribly disturbing the already disturbed me….

But eventually, I slept. And when I woke up – the bus was still moving and making all sorts of noises, but, the picture outside the window had changed. The morning breeze was fresh and it was a little brighter outside…..the freshness that the air brought with it made me a little light. I was looking at the changing pictures outside the window of the bus – mostly trees and mountain like rocks - and it was interesting. The bus, in the mean time, had become busy – the co-passengers were starting to check the luggage and stuff and so did my dad, a few people were already at the door, probably waiting for their stop. I understood we were nearing Madras.

The very thought of going to Madras brought a little shiver in me.

‘I am going to be in Madras, going to be part of this huge city, going to see L.I.C building…’ - my anticipation grew…

I thought of the previous town I was in, for a moment....the life there…..the friends whom I had left behind…everything seemed to have happened all of a sudden...I hadnt even informed them that I will never return back after the summer holidays....I did not know then that one day my father will walk in and announce that we are going to Madras this time around and not to Madurai...

How many times have we, my friends and I, talked about Madras....how many times.... and visiting it atleast once was one of our life-time goals!! But today I am going to be there…from now on, I am going to go to a school in madras...my mind was wandering.....

And finally we were there, at a huge bus stand. I had never seen any bus stand as big as this, before. It was very busy. I was astonished to see something as big and new as this. The number of faces I saw, the number of buses, the number of shops, autos, taxis……that was when I really felt – I was in Madras!!!

We took an auto and had to literally squeeze the luggage and ourselves into it. I was in between mom and dad and due to the luggage, I wasn’t able to do what I love doing – watching the world from a moving vehicle!!! When the auto stopped, we were in front of a relatively old two storey building located in a pretty busy street. It was a pale white building.....and our house was in the second floor of that building – the house was smaller than our previous one. My dad had already set up the house with the help of a few friends when we were in K.Patti. It felt very different – not very good, not very bad.

My mom was taking a closer look and was examining the house.... my dad was explaining to her about all the stuff she needs to be careful about....being in Madras....and also other details like the location of the shops and stuff.....

As always, I was looking out of the window to try and see if there was anything interesting out there – there was a house, I wasn’t able to see it clearly, just got a rough picture – but I was able to hear the voices clearly. A woman was bargaining to a fruit-seller for two rupees that moment....

Our house had just a small hall, a small room, a small kitchen, a bathroom and a toilet - nothing more, nothing less. My mom and dad were having some serious discussion which I was in no position to understand. I was busy thinking of what I was doing the same time yesterday, same time the day before that, a week before, a month before….

My dad’s friend Anbu uncle was the first person to visit us here. It was he who had helped my dad in setting this house up when we were at K.Patti. It was he who had got me a seat in a school here, which is supposed to be one of the better schools around....I guess, it was he who recommended my dad this job, here in Madras, which eventually was the reason for our shift to Madras.

The first day went off fine and so did the next. Nothing much happened – Mom and dad were busy changing things from one place to the other and back to another – I was helping them, by not disturbing them in what they were doing. I was watching them work when I had the time to think of the present – otherwise, I was literally living my past – the days in K.Patti.

A few strangers also visited the place, offered us help, most of which my dad refused to accept with a smile in his face. The strangers that day became our neighbors, sooner than I thought – mom started liking the place and she seemed pretty happy about everything here - the place, house and the neighbors. There was only one guy of my age in our 'pale-white' building which had six small houses. That boy lived in the ground floor flat and he never seemed to open his mouth - so I never got an opportunity to get to know his name in the first couple of days. He was in grade six, an year younger to me and wasn't part of the school I was about to join - I was pretty happy about that - I somehow, did not like him very much. He seemed to be always busy with a rubber ball, that he owned, either pitching it in the ground and allowing it to raise or throwing it on the walls and trying to catch it....eitherway, he was always behind the ball....running to catch it, as catching the ball was something he wasn't good at!!

Everything was set by Tuesday evening – two days of hard work – and the place we were in became our house. The next morning was a big day for me. My first day in “Gurukulam” - my new school!!!! For some strange reason, I wasn't put in school for the first two days, though the school was already open and the classes were going on!!

I hadn’t visited the school before that, but was given admission as Anbu uncle knew the principal personally and had given assurance that I will perform very well in school. I tried my brand new school uniform again – blue trouser and a white shirt – it felt good, being in a school uniform.

That night I did not sleep well…I was thinking about how it was all going to be in a new place, a new school and a lot of new people around – probably a few friends too. I wished I went to that school in Kaavalkaaranpatti or atleast the previous school I was in, where I had a lot of friends and where I had a lot of fun too. The very thought of this new school somehow made me very uncomfortable…….I was very afraid…..

Eventually, night gave way to morning. And in no time, I was getting down the stairs with my new uniform on and a rough notebook in my hand and a lunch pack, waving good-bye to mom. Appa had borrowed Anbu uncle’s scooter….and the first ride in the roads of Madras sitting behind my dad in that scooter, which should have been wonderful, wasn’t really cool as my mind was still afraid of being in Gurukulam…It was then I realized how much I was used to the old school I was in and how much I missed it, though we, friends, always cribbed about it being too small and the teachers being rude and all….

As the scooter entered the big compound, my heart started pounding….I wanted to run back – but had no choice…there was a green gate inside the huge compound and near the gate was a big board which read - “GURUKULAM”, affiliated to Central board of Secondary Education.

SUBRA - II

VII 'C', GURUKULAM

The school was very big compared to my old school and was pretty busy too. My father and I were waiting infront of the principal's room and as soon as my principal arrived, I was asked to leave to my class room, right away.

I waved good-bye to my dad and walked alongside a stranger, Pandurangan, the school peon, who was assigned the task of showing me my class room - VII Standard C section.

Pandurangan asked me something - in a strange language. It took me sometime to actually identify the language he was using – it was in fact Tamil, but the slang he used was completely different that I did not understand a word.I made him repeat the question a number of times (as I did not understand what he was talking) that he stopped asking the question and did not expect me to answer too. The rest of our journey, from the office room to my class room, was silent.

My class room too was in the second floor (as my house) and there were a number of class rooms in the same floor. I looked curiously into each class, through the open doors and the windows, as we walked along the long corridor. And finally Pandurangan halted near the entrance of a class room – I stood beside him. He told the teacher something, which again, I did not understand. The teacher looked at me, with a smile and asked me to come in.

I entered the class room and turned back to thank Pandurangan, but he wasn’t there – he had already left. I stood near the entrance without knowing which side to go. The teacher showed me a direction and a few guys made some adjustments and gave me a seat to sit. The whole class was waiting for me to settle down – I sat down, kept my lunch pack below the table and put the rough note book, which I was carrying with me, on the desk and looked up at the teacher – the whole class, including the teacher, was still waiting for me…

‘Comfortable?!’ the teacher asked me as soon as I saw her

‘Yes ma’m’

‘Nice. What’s your name?!’

‘S. Subramanian ma’m’ I got up to answer her…

‘Good. Where do you come from?’

‘Madurai ma’m’

After the routine introduction was over, she asked me to sit down and continued with the lesson…I tried to concentrate on what she was teaching – All I could think of, at that moment, was this - She was sweet, Motherly – I felt instantly comfortable with the way she treated the class!!

As soon as the class was over – the whole class’ attention was on me – or so did I think. I looked around and a number of guys were curiously looking at me. I was a little intimidated and sat there without uttering a word....

Thank You!

When I look back today....I see...
A lot of people who love me and care for me...
A lot of incidents which make me feel happy and light...
A lot of places places I would like to get back to...
Quite a few lessons that I'll never forget...
Quite a few moments that make me cry...
A lot of dreams that keep me alive...
A lot of thoughts that make me proud...
A lot of characters that I gave birth to...
A lot of characters that I've always enjoyed watching...
A lot of fears that haunted me time and again...
Quite a few wrong decisions...
A number of beautiful mornings and evenings...
My cameras and a lot of photographs...
A lot of cricket matches (the ones I was part of and the ones I watched)...
My schools, college, tuitions...
My cycle, motorbike, car...
A lot of unfinished projects...
A lot of plans yet to be executed...
A lot of fun and laughter...
A few memorable journeys...
A lot of....

oh yeah, I've been alive for the past twenty five years!!!!
Thanks people....for being a part of the journey at some point or other....Thank you.

Change....is the only constant!

"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change"

~Charles Darwin.

CHENNAI - 600028 (2007)

First of all - Kudos to the team for their sincere effort - Fantastic attempt!!

I enjoyed the movie, thoroughly!! Not the 'classic' types, but simply, a peek into the lives of a few youngsters - the members of 'Sharks', a gully cricket team from R.A.Puram (a part of chennai and thus the title, Chennai - 600028). I loved the simplicity associated with the movie - the presentation was stunningly natural....

The movie has no hero or a heroin - the plot is the hero, I would say. The actors have performed really well - it was like seeing your friends live their life, on screen! (That was what I felt, being in chennai for the past 15 years and seeing the lives of people depicted in the film, in reality).

Yuvan shankar Raja does a wonderful job. I never was able to think of Editing or inematography or Art direction...when I was watching the film, which itself is the success of the technicians - really natural! The cinematography pattern was more like a normal video - and most of it was shot in the night and the lack of sharpness gives a more real feel to the movie (reminded
me of a few South Americal films).

This is not a review and I did not want to write anything like a 'film-review'. I am penning down my personal thoughts about this film here as I enjoyed watching it. If you live or lived in chennai and if you have seen youngsters playing cricket in the road and in the small grounds....and if you wanna know a little about their life - probably watch the movie - you will enjoy it. Even otherwise, you'll enjoy...but if you are associated with any of the above - dont miss it - the proability of you not liking it will be very low....

Overall, I feel, this movie represents a part of Chennai. It gives you an idea of the lives of people (a set of middle-class youngsters, in this case), which in itself is a great acheivement.

Simply put - I liked the movie very much. And I was really very happy when I walked out of the theatre last saturday night after watching the movie. The movie was fun and very very lightly told! I am sure, I am gonna watch it again.

:)

College days....fading images....fresh memories...

the untold stories....

My saturday evenings weren't generally spent at home! But today, I did not feel like moving out and did not make any effort to do so...Just spoke with a couple of friends over the phone and thought of watching some movie - ofcourse from my 'classics' DVD collection - thought of watching something from Akira Kurosawa...and thats when something struck. Why not continue reading his auto-biography (I had already read nearly 75 percent of it).

Thought seemed okay and I Picked it up and instead of continuing from where I had stopped, thought of browsing the initial pages randomly!!! I was very happy about this 'Random browsing' idea....just started to read a couple of pages (incidents) and then moved to some other period of his life and then to some other...it was very good that way!!!

It was then I crossed the place where he talked about his elder brother. Even when I read it for the first time, I was very much influenced by this part. It's Akira's brother who introduced 'foreign cinema' to him and it was he who suggested good movies for Akira to watch. And his brother read a lot of literature and also had a lot of creative talent. He went on to become a successful narrator (silent films age)....and Akira recollects that had he lived longer, probably he would have become a very good film-maker!! But he did not live long...

Its not about this one person...in general, in every auto-biography we come across a lot of characters other than the person who narrates his(her) life....but have we ever thought, in detail, about that character which forms just a very small part of the auto-biography?! That character itself is a human being and that human-being would have had an equally happening life and (s)he would have had a thousand stories to share....but those stories never come to light...they just dis-appear.....

I all of a sudden closed the book and started to think of Akira's brother - with the very little detail that Akira had given about his brother! He would have had his own version of incidents that Akira is now narrating....he would have wanted to share a lot of things....lot of stories....but those stories went un-told...un-heard!!!

Strangely, R.K.Narayan's life had a similar story. RKN's brother was very very well-read and it was he who introduced literature to RKN. And RKN mentions about his uncle, whom he lived with when he was in his grand-mother's house as a kid, as an amatuer photographer! The uncle was in college then....who spent most of his time photographing, developing them, reading and writing. He was also part of his college drama troop and explained to him Shakespear's dramas and stuff....this character would have had a thousand dreams....a thousand stories....which we'll never get to read...probably Akira's brother was equally talented as Akira, if not more,...RKN's brother and uncle too....but we know only Akira Kurosawa and R.K.Narayan.....

I've always thought about this....every human being has dreams...every human being has untold stories....and those stories go un-told.....un-heard...forever.....
we live in a world which celebrates success....failures and average people arent looked upon...unfortunately the number of failure stories are far more than the success stories and the efforts that failed never come out to light....the effort afterall would have been the same...the passion would have been the same....but it's the result that ultimately matters, they say!

So, with this post, what did I want to write?!!

Probably something like this, I am not sure....

Every human being has equal number of stories and experiences worth sharing....unfortunately most go unshared....probably if we show more interest in observing people...a few stories might unfold... and this world, that we live in, belongs to successful people and I somehow beleive un-sucessful people or the failures have more stories to share.........very unfortunate they dont have anyone to share them with - not even fellow failures....probably if they have someone to listen to their stories...they would feel a little better....but they can't complain - can they?!

And people - start writing diary (if u arent writing already thatis) - let the world know the 'real you' atleast through that, when we dont belong to this place any more.......if not the world, atleast the close ones....our life is worth sharing - isn't it?!

...

Kanneer illamal....Valigal illamal....varalaru illai....vaazhkai illai...

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION!!!!!

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

The first night's the toughest, no doubt about it. They march you in naked as the day you were born, skin burning and half blind from that delousing shit they throw on you, and when they put you in that cell... and those bars slam home... that's when you know it's for real. A whole life blown away in the blink of an eye. Nothing left but all the time in the world to think about it.

These walls are funny. First you hate them then you get used to them. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized

Forget that... there are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside... that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours.

What're you talking about?

Hope

Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane

Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies

I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope

I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.

She was beautiful. God I loved her. I just didn't know how to show it, that's all. I killed her, Red. I didn't pull the trigger, but I drove her away. And that's why she died, because of me.

I was in the path of the tornado... I just didn't expect the storm would last as long as it has

Get busy living, or get busy dying!!!!

uravugal palavitham....

Change is the only constant!

Farewell PRINCE (of port of spain)!!

Brian Charles Lara. The name says it all - doesn't it!

Dont want to talk much....this post is just to bid Brian Charles Lara good bye from International cricket!!! Good Bye Lara. Farewell, we'll miss u!!!!

For more info on Lara - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Lara

Say NO to Violence, Spread PEACE!!!

Say 'NO' to violence. Spread Peace.

Let us pray for all those who lost their lives in VT shoot out. Let their soul rest in peace. And let their families get the courage to live without their loved ones.

Hating 'Cho Seung-Hui' isnt going to lead us anywhere, but analysing why such cruel acts take place might. Let us think of the root-cause of the problem and take oath to do whatever possible from our side to avoid such incidents from happening, sincerely.

The first thing will be to love fellow human beings....tolerance is the key.

And let us take oath that we'll say NO to Violence and think for a moment of what led to such an incident and what can be done to avoid such things to happen again.

There is no universal solution. It is up to us, human beings, to be more rational and thoughtful. Let us understand why we are here and celebrate life not the opposite! Let us think.

Say 'NO' to violence. Spread Peace.

BACK HERE! Sorry about the delay!!!!

I apologize for this long delay! It has been nearly 6 months since the last post!!! And this post is just to let you know that I am back here - if at all anyone is reading this, thatis..hehe!!!!

A lot to talk, a lot to share - am sure will be posting here more regularly! Do check back soon. And do comment.

Thanks.

difference...

idleness....

Street Cricket....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Street_cricket

Reminds me of the 15 years I spent playing this game, this way.....a part of almost all the Indian kids....down the memory lane....there is so much associated with this....

Orkut seems to b correct sometimes....

Today's Fortune:

Stop searching forever, Happiness is just next to you

I turned around and my camera was just next to me! :D

Gateway to the world......one of my old modems....

waiting to be hooked!

The 'Cell phone' Kid!

'Quotes' - Jean Renoir (Film maker)

'Many of my friends have urged me to write my autobiography...it is no longer enough for them to know that an artist has freely expressed himself with the help of a camera and a microphone. They want to know who the artist is...'

'The truth is that this individual of whom we are so proud is composed of such diverse elements as a boy he made friends with at nursery school, the hero of the first tale he ever read, even the dog belonging to his cousin Eugene. We do not exist through ourselves alone but through the environment that shaped us...I have sought to recall those persons and events which I believe have played a part in making me what I am'

-Jean Renoir (Film Maker) in his Autobiography.

Light House...just like that...

all alone....

Vandhargal Vendrargal....

PS. Paintings photographed from the book 'Vandhargal Vendrargal'

:)

just like that...

"Everyone has got Secrets, Life would be BORING without them"

Read this in someones profile in Orkut....thought it was interesting!

Summer of '69

I got my first real six-string
Bought it at the five-and-dime
Played it til my fingers bled
It was the summer of '69

Me and some guys from school
Had a band and we tried real hard
Jimmy quit and Jody got married
I shoulda known we'd never get far

Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life

Ain't no use in complainin'
When you got a job to do
Spent my evenin's down at the drive-in
And that's when I met you

Standin' on your Mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life
Back in the summer of '69

Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no

And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Sometimes when I play that old six-string
I think about ya wonder what went wrong

when I looked around...

they wanted me to capture them...

.......

Warning!

yet another crazy experiment!!

My companion...

Life still goes on....

Dil Chahta Hai???

Trying to capture a scene!

one of the five rathas...

A b&w tribute to the shore temple at Mahabalipuram...